How Can I Cope with The Fact That My Sister Is Getting Her Driver’s License Soon?

Because of autism, I’ve never gotten a permit at sixteen.

Years later, I’ve attempted to get a driver’s license at 23 but I gave up because I had a talk with my parents about the possibility that autism may limit my ability to drive. I was upset that I had to heard this, but deep down they’re right. Because of my dad yelling at me to break it when I was driving on the freeway, I had to give up driving as a result.

Look at my teenage sister without autism who’s about to get a permit at sixteen soon. She’s fifteen currently.

All of my siblings without autism all have their driver’s license. I feel it’s unfair.

I’ve started to look for transportation services since I’ve given up driving. The only transportation options are taking the bus which has limited hours and takes a little bit longer to a destination, my parents and my respite worker. I’m looking at medical transportation so I could get to doctor’s appointments and counselling.

Taxis services are expensive sadly.
It doesn’t help that most transportation services are pricey. Also the town I live in has a small selection of transportation options.

Sadly, America isn’t like Europe where you have many transportation options in the latter country. Because I don’t have a car, I can’t get to long distance areas such as meetings to advocate for better transportation services.

Thankfully I have a job within walking distance, but walking isn’t always reliable due to weather changes.

I still feel like a loser for relying on my parents to provide me transportation.

There are many people who don’t have their driver’s licenses and they are not losers. You’re not a loser either. In fact, research has indicated that fewer younger people are getting their licenses in general. A 2016 study by the University of Michigan found that the percentage of 16-year-olds nationwide with a license decreased from 46% in 1983 to 24% in 2014. Roughly half as many 16-year-olds are now getting a license compared to before. You’re not alone.

Maybe you can’t get your license now but that doesn’t mean you won’t in the future. There may come a time when you can acquire your license. Don’t rule it out as a possibility.

For now, you’ll have to accept the fact that you don’t have a license. It’s not what you want and it’s not ideal but it is the reality of the situation. Understandably, it’s upsetting but it’s a waste of time and energy to worry about things you cannot change.

Even if you’re not religious, you might appreciate the wisdom of the serenity prayer widely used by Alcoholics Anonymous: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” It’s a useful mindset for dealing with the reality of the things you cannot change.

I wish I had a more satisfactory answer for you but I know that the best course of action is to learn to accept reality. The sooner you can come to terms with the truth, the less you may suffer emotionally. Thank you for your question. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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