My family and I just went on a fairly long road trip for a short vacation. It was about 3 hours there and 3 hours back. We stayed at the vacation location for about 24 hours. I have three kids (currently ages 3, 8, and 9). They get along fairly well and I am very proud of them, but I won’t sugar-coat it, they certainly have some sibling rivalry that is common for practically all siblings that have ever existed
I have put a lot of parenting effort (mixed with a little bit of applied behavior analysis knowledge and experience) into helping them learn positive, appropriate behaviors individually as well as social skills regarding how they interact with one another.
I would say that our road trip was a success in terms of how they behaved in the car. We took a vehicle which required all three kids to sit shoulder to shoulder (practically) in the backseat. They only had minor conflicts that were easily redirected by their father and I about a handful of times, which is actually pretty appropriate for kids their age and for their being 3 of them. Kids should not be expected to be perfectly behaved all of the time.
I tell you this story to provide you with context as to the following suggestions I have based upon my own personal experience as well as my applied behavior analysis knowledge relating to parenting and child behavior.
If you would like to help your kids to get along with each other in a long road trip (or for any distance in a vehicle really), consider following the recommendations below:
- Use antecedent strategies
- Antecedent strategies are basically setting the stage for preferred (appropriate) behavior to occur and trying to prevent the undesired behavior from occurring (in a healthy way).
- For example, create the seating arrangement that is likely to create the least amount of problem behaviors. For us, it’s putting the 3 year old (in her toddler seat) in the middle and the two older kids next to the doors. Otherwise, history of past experiences has taught me that the older kids would have more problems with each other if they sat shoulder to shoulder with each other.
- Also, plan on bringing activities the kids can do in the car. This will occupy them for at least a duration of the time. In our trip, we did not allow electronics (such as tablets). I want my children to learn to sit, be patient, and to find ways to occupy themselves or simply sit calmly. Think of books, writing or coloring items, or a favorite small toy. Without the chance (the learning opportunities) to learn to behave well without electronics, they will never learn.
- Use positive reinforcement as much as possible
- Depending on your child’s age, developmental level, and behaviors and preferences, the type and amount of positive reinforcement will be different. Positive reinforcement is using any type of consequence (event or stimulus) that occurs after the behavior that increases the frequency of that behavior in the future (so it happens more often).
- When teaching a new behavior, you can use lots of positive reinforcement. Then, fade the reinforcement so that it becomes more naturally occurring. For instance, the end goal would be that your kids would ride well in the car for any trip possibly with only receiving the occasional praise statement such as “I really appreciate you behaving so well for this trip.” or maybe a special treat once in awhile like ice cream. However, at first, provide more reinforcement, such as praise every ten minutes and maybe even have a number of preferred items up front with you that you can pass back to your kids for positive behavior (preferably have the items with the passenger-so you as the driver aren’t handing items back to your child if you don’t have to be, although you could potentially take quick stops to do this).
- A few “dont’s”
- Don’t give preferred items for whining, fighting, complaining, tattling.
- Don’t do any reinforcement strategy that will be unsafe for you while you are driving.
- Don’t get involved in giving attention to the negative behaviors. So, don’t go into a lecture about why your kids shouldn’t fight and don’t engage in a lengthy conversation with the child who is misbehaving most. Instead, talk to all the kids and encourage everyone to be part of the conversation, but only provide the attention when the child is behaving well.
- A few “do’s”
- Do keep everyone safe.
- Do provide praise with any tangible item you give. This at least helps to teach that it’s not about earning toys or quarters or tokens, but it social reinforcement can be just as valuable. Kids really do want attention from their parents and to feel like their parents are proud of them.
- Do model preferred behaviors, such as kind voices and polite requests. Act the way you want your kids to act so they see what you expect of them.
- Do encourage social activities if possible, such as a game of I-Spy or having conversations about certain topics.
These are just some tips that you can use to help your kids get along during long road trips. If you have any other suggestions, feel free to comment below. Happy Vacations! And Safe Travels
Image credit: Denis Tabler via Fotalia
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