Perfectionism affects many people in our society, for many reasons. Some have been raised to believe that the way to win approval from others is to “succeed” by doing everything perfectly; this is a “performance based” view of relationships. Others have placed perfection upon themselves in order to avoid feelings like inadequacy, shame, and fear.
Perfectionism leads to two common problems: anxiety and procrastination.
If you believe that you have to do everything perfectly then you live a life of constant “hustle.” You don’t allow yourself sufficient relaxation, which contributes to stress. Too much stress causes too much cortisol to flow through your blood stream. Too much cortisol leads to a shorter lifespan.
When chronically elevated, cortisol can have deleterious effects on weight, immune function, and increases risk of chronic disease.
Why not give yourself the gifts of freedom and self-acceptance this year? Make a decision to have a paradigm shift in your philosophy towards what it means to live well. Rather than continuing on the treadmill of perfectionism, chasing the elusive carrot of “someday I’ll be good enough,” why not offer yourself the gift of, “I am enough.” Allow yourself to live free rather than to live perfectly.
Basically, any paradigm shift involves a change in attitude. Following are ten steps you can take today to give yourself the gifts of freedom and self-acceptance.
The difference between an adventure and an ordeal is your attitude…~Mary Englebriet
- Remind yourself that perfection is not a worthy goal. Striving for the elusive trophy of perfection hurts you and those around you. It robs you of your happiness and freedom to enjoy life.
- When faced with failures and disappointments, rather than taking them as personal attacks on your self-hood, learn to welcome them and give these experiences space to do their work.
- Make room for change. It’s okay if things don’t look like you think they “should.”
- In fact, quit using the word should. Stop “shoulding” yourself and others; be grateful for what is.
- Do something you want to do just because. No “shoulding” allowed.
- Continually remind yourself that you are a part of a flawed human race. You are no more or less than everyone around you.
- Get some scars. You will only find success by putting yourself out in the world; however, it’s foolish to think you aren’t going to get a few bruises in the process. Your scars and bruises are proof you showed up to participate.
- Choose to stop comparing yourself to others. Choose to find peace and contentment in what you have.
- Be brave enough to separate from people who hurt you. You were not put on this earth to be anybody’s whipping boy.
- The next time an “ordeal” comes to your “in box,” take a deep breath, go to your “files” and rename that “ordeal” as an “adventure.” Open your heart and hands and let life happen.
References:
Wolfe, E. (2017). President, Lifeline Counseling and Educational Services. 10 Steps for having an attitude of adventure in 2017
Aronson, D. (2009). Cortisol — Its Role in Stress, Inflammation, and Indications for Diet Therapy. Today’s Dietician. Vol. 11 No. 11 P. 38
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