I Think I Have Been Suffering from Social Anxiety without Knowing

I think I have been suffering from anxiety for many years without realizing. I know this may sound stupid but I have always been like this and just assumed it was normal and never thought too much about it. It wasn’t until I had to do a group presentation in front of about 80 people that I realized there is something wrong with me. The back of my head felt stiff and I couldn’t stop my head from shaking, I didn’t know where to look and my heart was racing 100mph. Whenever I tried to smile it’s almost as if my mouth wouldn’t let me. This event triggered something inside of me and after evaluating other situations it seems like I have social anxiety.
Whenever I walk in public I fell everyone around me is watching me and when I walk past a bus it fells as though everyone on the bus is laughing at me. I get the stiff feeling on the back of my head and have to divert me attention to my phone (which stops the shaking), I find it so hard to just walk normally on the street without pretending to be on my phone. I don’t know why I’m like this.
I was abused when I was a kid by my father, he was suffering from his own personal problems at the time and I guess it helped him to release the anger on me. It wasn’t the beating (very rare) that had a impact on me but being constantly put down by him swearing and telling me how useless and pathetic I was (I was around 8 yrs old). I didn’t think this had a big effect on me until recently and it seems to be the only answer I could give to myself.
It’s very hard for me to meet new people and I have never had any physical contact with anyone before, I’m dying to be loved but the fear of rejection has been so strong it dominates everything I do. I just want to function like a normal human being and be able to fit in. please help me. (From the UK)

A: I am sorry you had to endure the abuse from your father. I do believe you are right in linking it to your reactions. Since your profile indicated you were at a university I would contact their counseling center for some individual therapy about your reaction. Since it was affecting school (your group presentation) I think it is important to let them help you find a way to cope and recover from this.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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