Hey, So I think there’s something very wrong with me, I fantasize about killing all the time. Recently I’m obsessed with the story of another killer and I’ve abused animals in the past to take my anger out on something other than myself. I had a very traumatic childhood being given up by my mum who couldn’t look after me for her own mental problems which I still hate her for deep down, in and out of care all my life. Forced to do sexual things. Its destroyed me, I have no emotion or guilt for abusing a friends two dogs and my ex’s cat that resulted in it being put down. I fantasize about killing my adoptive parents, planned it down to the very last detail and playing it out in my head and even in front of a mirror ‘practicing’ what I’d do. I welcome prison because my freedom is all I have left. I’ve tried to kill myself on many occasions but not successfully obviously. I just want the world to burn for what it did to me, I challenge every authority and think I’m better than everyone else. I’m a monster? I was diagnosed with mild depression and emotionally unstable personality disorder but I have the traits of a psychopath? I feel like one day I will kill, what is wrong with me..
You seem to have an “eye for an eye” mentality. You may be mad at the world and want revenge. You want to hurt people because you’ve been hurt. That, along with several other traits, might indicate a psychopathic personality. An evaluation could help to determine if psychopathy is present.
Studies indicate that murder fantasies are not uncommon. It may be the result of individuals who have strong feelings and don’t know how to cope with them. It could be a response to having been severely abused as a child or any number of other possibilities. In any event, these thoughts should not be ignored. They can be treated with counseling and or medication. If you tried treatment and it wasn’t successful, try again. Don’t give up because it’s well worth the effort to find someone who can help. If you can’t prevent yourself from harming people or animals, it’s imperative to seek help before you ruin your life or the lives of others. That’s what a responsible person would do.
You “welcome” prison but have you been to prison? Perhaps you’ve been to jail which involves a short-term stay. Prison is for individuals serving long-term sentences. Do you have any sense of how terrible it is? It’s not uncommon for there to be abuse both physically and sexually amongst the prisoners. You could be killed or raped. Many prisoners are locked in solitary confinement, which they describe as causing them to lose their sanity. Perfectly sane people have described losing their minds after only 24 hours of solitary. Perhaps you can’t appreciate the reality of what life in prison would really be like. Anyone who’s been there will tell you that it is worse than they ever imagined. You don’t want to learn that reality the hard way. Good luck and please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle
from Ask the Therapist http://bit.ly/2vklaiA
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