Is My Boyfriend Attracted to My Daughter?

 I feel like my fiance is attracted to my 18 year old daughter and does things that makes me wonder I’ve been with my fiance for over a year now and we have a 9 month old baby together. We plan to get married soon. He has told me that he has a past incident with his younger sister and molested her when they were younger but that he has got help for it and was in a youth program until he became an adult. He was also charged with the incident. So I accepted him and been dealing with it because he’s a great guy for the most part and has never done anything to harm me.

But besides that I feel like he’s attracted to my 18 year old daughter. I feel like when she’s around he acts different and does things out of his normal routine. For example he always has expressed himself to me through music and I’ve noticed that when she’s around he plays different music than what he usually listens to on a day to day basis. He also picks on her and her relationship a lot with her boyfriend and feels like he needs to compete with him or something.

For example my daughters boyfriend bought her a necklace with his name on it. So then my fiance bought me a necklace with my name on it and was saying stuff like oh look this is original and it’s real not like your daughter’s boyfriend who buys her fake stuff…

I also find that he always makes sure he is shaved and has a haircut before she comes by… he also sprays different colognes on when she’s around and sprays it in the air. So I feel like he’s trying to provoke her or impress her for some reason. And then when I confront him about it he says I’m crazy and it’s not like that that he doesn’t look at my daughter like that… so tell me am I crazy or what is the issue here???

You are not crazy to be concerned. Trust your instincts. Consciously or unconsciously, your boyfriend is treating your daughter inappropriately. He is involved with you. He is a new father. And he is twice her age. Those factors add up to your daughter being totally off limits.

It is possible that being a new dad is frightening to him and that he is unconsciously trying to reclaim being young and irresponsible. But regardless of the cause, his history makes it especially important that he — and you — deal with it now to guard against a regrettable or even dangerous slip up.

I don’t think it is wise for you to marry him or to have him around your daughter until you have been to some couples counseling to straighten this out.

I wish you well.

Dr. Marie

from Ask the Therapist http://bit.ly/2UKtToe
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