When my fiancé gets very angry he does the right thing by walking away to cool down but it takes him at least a full day to cool down, be able to function as a family, or talk about the situation again. Is it healthy to take 2 or 3 days to “cool down” before you can talk about the source of anger?
It’s difficult to give a definitive answer to your question but generally that seems like a long time. It’s encouraging that he walks away instead of staying to fight. It’s also encouraging that he is able to eventually speak about the situation but he would benefit from more effective coping strategies. It should not take that long to cool down.
Ideally, he should go to counseling to analyze what underlies his anger. Everyone gets angry from time to time. It’s a normal human emotion but it shouldn’t be his “go to” emotion. It’s typically a sign of emotional instability that may stem from unresolved issues. If you can convince him to go to counseling, that would be the most expeditious way to resolve this problem. If he’s unwilling, suggest couples counseling.
Anger issues are a common reason why people enter therapy. Effective, evidence-based solutions exist. There’s no good reason to struggle with problems that could be easily remedied with professional help. Hopefully he’ll consider therapy. Good luck and please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle
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