Are my Emotional Issues Related to Early Separation from my Mother?

From a young man in South Africa: What is the emotional issues caused by my mother passing about 2 months after my birth. Simply stated in facts is that I was born in August. 1980. My father(not married or interested in me or my mom) passed away that September from diabetes. My mother then died after an horrific car accident on her way to fetch me from a state owned foster care, also in September. She was banned from her family because of me being born out of wedlock.

As far as i know she did everything to  reunite us after 2 weeks of separation. I do have a half brother that i barely know. Raised by his mom. As for me, i was  adopted ao I have no current relationship with my mom’s family either.

Please help me with any info about disassociation and psych related problems in this matter. I am now clean from opiates for 4 years after a 12 year addiction, but something is still lacking in my self esteem,

Thank you in advance.

I’m sorry you had such a tough start in life, losing both of your biological parents before you could really bond with either. But it is unlikely that those events alone caused problems for you, especially since you were so young. It is more likely that what happened next is more relevant. If you were adopted by a caring and supportive family, you had the opportunity to thrive just as those raised by their biological parents do. If the adoptive family was toxic, that would be of more concern to a therapist than those early, early losses.

An addiction that went on for almost half your life is of much more concern to me. Although you may be now clean from drugs, you may not have caught up on all the emotional, social and intellectual development that you missed during those years. I congratulate you on getting clean. I encourage you to take the next step and get into treatment to learn the developmental skills for living and loving that you missed out on while in a drug induced fog.

Please take this advice. I’ve seen many people in their 30s and 40s who were able to get clean after many years. Over time, and with honest effort, they were able to reclaim the adult life they deserved. You can too.

I wish you well.

Dr. Marie

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