From a teen in the U.S.: For my whole life, I have always been extremely shy and suffered with social interaction. I barely have any friends period( only a few which I rarely see- I don’t know if I should even consider them friends). I do everything alone – from going to school to sitting in the cafeteria, to spending my weekends.
I am extremely shy and get nervous and anti social when I try to talk to others or when spoken to . As a result, I have no friends, no sense of self, or self esteem and suffer with depression due to the pain that comes with feeling like a worthless loner all the time. I always think that others will see what i am going through as a petty issue, so I bottle everything inside instead, which makes me feel even more alone. I suffer with suicidal thoughts on the regular. I attempted suicide once.
My parents made me take therapy for a couple of months and think that I should not be medicated. I’m back on the wrong track again. What can I do?
A: I’m very sorry you are so lonely. It might help, if only a little, to know that you aren’t at all alone in your struggles to find friends. It’s part of the challenge of the teen years and it can be very painful while going through it.
I don’t know if medication will help. If your anxiety is overwhelming, medicine might bring it down enough for you to feel a bit braver. But, ultimately, you will need to learn to handle your anxiety and how to do your part in finding and maintaining friends. If you need support for that, a counselor would be helpful.
You said you have a few friends. That’s great. I bet you don’t know that the average number of real friends (even for adults) is 3! Most people have acquaintances as well. But all a person really needs is 1 to 3 close, close friends.
It really is your choice whether or not you see your friends more often. Don’t wait around for people to ask you to do things. Get active. Start inviting people to do fun things with you so you have more contact. It’s doing things regularly with people that changes them from being acquaintances to friends. Chances are that doing more will help you meet more people who are potential friends.
It would also be helpful for you to join somethng — even though you probably don’t feel like a joiner. People who share experiences on a team, in a show, or doing volunteer work often become friends. Casual contact through doing a mutual task helps people get to know each other without as much pressure as a social event.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
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