From a young woman in the U.S.: I am trying to help my friend understand if her dad’s behavior is normal. He pointed out once how she never wears makeup, as though this is not normal, and as though he thought it would be normal if she does wear makeup more often.
Is it normal for a dad to WANT his daughter to wear makeup more often?
Thank you!
I would need a whole lot more information to comment on “normalcy”. One comment from her dad doesn’t necessarily indicate a pattern of thoughts or behaviors that would be of concern.
As a few examples of a positive explanation of his remark: It could be that her dad feels she isn’t taking care of herself adequately and that, to him, wearing make up is “normal” for a woman who likes herself. It could be that he has a stereotyped, gender-specific idea of how young women are supposed to present themselves. It could be that he is unsure about what is and isn’t okay for him to say regarding his daughter’s appearance and is awkward in doing so. Or something else.
It is normal for there to be some awkwardness between parents and children of another gender as the children mature. The shift from parenting a little kid to being in an adult-to-adult relationship with an attractive young person is difficult for some parents to navigate. Comments should always be understood in a larger context.
I do wonder why your friend is asking the question. Is there more to his behavior than she is letting on? Does she think her dad is inappropriately interested in her? Has he done or said other things that make her feel unsafe? If that’s the case, she needs to talk to her mother about it (if her mother is available). If she doesn’t have a mom she can talk to, I hope she will confide in an adult she trusts to help her figure out if she needs to be concerned about her father’s comment, and, if so, what to do about it.
I wish her well.
Dr. Marie
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