From a teen in the U.K.: I am terrified to enter a relationship with a man because I’m convinced I’ll be murdered by him. I’ve made plans for when I’m older and potentially in a relationship with a man to sleep with a knife near me, close to the door, so if he tries to kill me I can defend myself/run away.
My friend at Uni walked me to the tram stop after our lectures and the entire time I was messaging other friends to let them know I don’t feel safe and I think he might kill me, despite the fact that he hasn’t done anything bad. I was shaking and trying to keep to the main road so I would be around other people in case he killed me and I kept making sure he walked a bit in front so he wasn’t behind me or out of sight.
I’;m scared that if I have kids with a guy he’ll kill us all and hide our bodies. I thought these were normal fears but my friends say its irrational. I’m too scared to go on dates or reciprocate interest in any guy that I talk to because even if I find him attractive and interesting I’m just too scared that I’m going to be killed. I’m scared I’ll go on a date and be found dead and mutilated a few days later.
The thought of dating a guy terrifies me and it doesn’t make sense because I’ve never had a creepy or violent experience with a man besides on older man who harassed me and chased me and tried to make me meet him when I was 16 but that’s not something I dwell on.
My friends tell me “just find a good guy” and thats precisely what I’m scared of. Trusting them, loving them and wanting to be with them and then all of a sudden they snap and just kill me. I just don’t know if this is a typical fear or if it’s paranoia and I need to see someone for it but I’ve started pushing away any guy friends I have who aren’t gay just in case and I don’t want to have this looming fear whenever I speak to someone who seems interested in me. Should I go see someone about this? How do I get over this fear?
You may not be dwelling on what happened when you were 16, but your sub-conscious mind certainly is. You are scared because something happened that was so scary that you are still reverberating from it. This is what PTSD is all about. Your brain is stuck in the “flight” part of “fight or flight”, the normal reactions to when we feel frightened. This isn’t rational because it isn’t happening in the rational part of your brain. Your brain is protecting you from your fear by helping you avoid even thinking about it.
You deserve a normal life with normal relationships and a normal comfortable and loving family someday. That isn’t going to happen unless you get some treatment to calm your brain and to process what happened to you when you were younger.
A therapist who specializes in trauma treatment can provide the help you need and deserve. PTSD is treatable. WIth good information and support, you can learn how to keep yourself safe and enjoy friendships with men and date.
You made an important first step by writing to us here at PsychCentral. Now, please, take the next step toward a better life by finding a therapist to help you.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
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