I had my third and last baby 9 months ago. I have 3 girls. I have longed for a boy and will never have one. My sister and brother in law had their first child and it’s a boy. I was/am heartbroken. It’s the first grandchild that’s a boy so it’s a hot topic. On top of it all, I just found out my sister in law went in to the hospital with zero pain and was fully dilated and had the baby. I went through 3 very hard medicated difficult deliveries. I am relieved it all went safely for them but I cannot overcome this feeling of sadness and jealousy. I don’t even want to go and see the baby cause I cannot bear hearing any of the “easy delivery” comments and first boy comments. I feel terrible but it is how I feel. And it hurts.
One way to overcome this line of thinking is to focus on your blessings. It was Abraham Maslow who said this about the failure to appreciate the good things in our lives: “I have also become convinced that getting used to our blessings is one of the most important nonevil generators of human evil, tragedy and suffering. What we take for granted we undervalue…” He goes on to say that “wives, husbands, children, friends are unfortunately more apt to be loved and appreciated after they have died than while they are still available.”
Don’t fail to appreciate your blessings. You have three healthy children of your own. There are many people in this world that be envious of what you have and what you might be taking for granted. Your life could be significantly improved if you were to focus on the blessings that you currently have. Always attempt to appreciate the goodness in your life. It can serve as protection against the jealousy you have described.
Think of the magnitude of the gifts that were given you by God. God has blessed you with three magnificent living beings. How could the gender of those beings be of any significance at all?
If I’ve helped, I consider it a pleasure to have been of assistance but if your strong feelings continue don’t hesitate to consult a therapist. Good luck and please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle
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